The Unmumsy Mums: A Collection of Your Hysterical Stories From The Frontline of Parenting by Unknown

Author:Unknown
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473541511
Publisher: Transworld
Published: 2016-01-14T00:00:00+00:00

My now six-year-old went through a phase at about four when he felt he wasn’t being treated fairly, so decided he was going to leave home! When I asked him (after he had packed his Bob the Builder suitcase and was standing at the front door), ‘Ethan, where are you going?’ he said, ‘I’m going to Granny’s house. I won’t be treated like this any more!’

Then I asked, ‘How will you get there?’

He said, ‘Pass me the car keys. I’ll drive myself!’

— Clare Leahy

My daughter’s greatest triumph in humiliating me was at age two and a half. Her speech was delayed and she frequently missed key letters out of words. She also has a volume-control issue: why talk when you can shout?

On a trip to the supermarket, she was sitting in the trolley as we wandered down the soft-drinks aisle. Chatting away, like you do, I said to her, ‘Shall we get some squash?’

Excitedly, she shouts, ‘Blackc***nt!’ down the aisle for all of Tesco to hear.

Apparently, she did not like ‘R’ that day.

— Mandy Bell

So, this morning, our three-year-old brought shame on our house … Our neighbour knocked on the door to ask what all the noise was last night (our smoke alarm kept going off for no reason). While I was chatting to said elderly neighbor, the three-year-old casually, and silently, walked to the front door, stood in the doorway, pulled his PJ bottoms down and peed out the door, his pee landing just next to our neighbour’s foot. He then pulled his trousers up and walked back to the lounge. All done without a word. I was rendered utterly speechless. World, swallow me whole now, please!

— Anna Frapwell

I have recently adopted my son. He was nine months old when I got him … We have had to have weekly social-worker visits to check up on his progress.

A few weeks ago, our social worker was at the house. I always put on my poshest voice and get the best biscuits out. I look down … and my son has about twenty tampons out of her handbag and is chewing them. I try and get them out of his hands/mouth, but he screams and kicks up a storm.

So, in the end, I just let him have one … I don’t know who was more embarrassed!

— Sarah

My four-year-old son attends nursery at the local primary school, and on Armistice Day they held a two-minute silence. He was doing really well until about halfway through, when he suddenly shouted, ‘Who’s farted?!’ at the top of his voice. As it was during the silence, the whole school heard, including the not-impressed head teacher!

His teacher pulled me about it when I picked him up. ‘Rowen said quite a rude word during the silence for Armistice Day. He has been told that language like that is not acceptable.’

I asked what he said, and she told me in a hushed voice. I had to bite my lip to stop myself laughing.

On the way home, my son asked me why the word ‘fart’ was allowed at home but not at school.

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